Vaccinated Man Licks First Doorknob In Over A Year

by akoloy

CHICAGO, IL—According to sources, native man Reiley Voodles not too long ago acquired his second dose of the Moderna vaccine. After a tearful celebration and lots of vaccine selfies, Voodles handled himself by licking his very first doorknob in over a yr. 

“It’s… been so long,” stated Voodles as he wiped a tear from his eye. “I had almost forgotten the wonderful taste of that cold– and sometimes warm– metal on my tongue. So many doorknobs have gone unlicked. All those wasted months! Now finally, those days are behind me. I’m feeling so emotional right now.”

Voodles then licked the door deal with of a not too long ago used gasoline station toilet to essentially give his new vaccine a superb exercise. “I like to live on the edge,” he stated. 

The CDC has introduced that vaccinated people can certainly resume their regular leisure actions, corresponding to:

  • licking doorknobs
  • consuming gum off the sidewalk
  • shaking palms within the restroom 
  • smelling stomach button lint
  • placing your cellphone as much as your face instantly after utilizing it on the bathroom
  • church greeting time

The CDC clarified, nonetheless, that each one these actions have to be completed whereas carrying a masks.

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