Biden Relocates 20,000 National Guard Troops To Inner Cities To Snipe Menthol Cigarettes Out Of People’s Mouths
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden has introduced he’ll lastly relocate the 20,000 National Guard troops who’ve been stationed in D.C. since January. Their new mission will probably be to infiltrate America’s interior cities and shoot menthol cigarettes out of the mouths of unsuspecting people who smoke.
“Listen, folks– we gotta do something about these incredibly refreshing and smooth menthol cigarettes,” stated Biden. “The poor kids like ’em way more than white kids do. Like my Great-Aunt Millie used to say: ‘If you don’t like menthols, you ain’t black!’ We have to protect black health. Gotta do it.”
Sharpshooters from the Guard will probably be despatched to city facilities like Chicago, Baltimore, and New York, and posted exterior carry-outs and gasoline stations.
“If you so much as raise a menthol to your lips, our trained soldiers will take care of it with their sniper rifles!” stated Biden, who went on to say: “Gotta put one, put one on the train and watch it go around. It can’t. It can’t go around ’cause the pudding is too runny for the Chamber of Commerce to fix the crankshaft… anyway… gotta get rid of the black people cigarettes, folks.”
Soldiers will even be skilled in superior take-down strategies to subdue any menthol offenders. BLM and the ACLU have applauded the transfer and have welcomed elevated enforcement of their cities so long as it isn’t executed by the native police.