WASHINGTON, D.C.—To fund the Biden Administration’s infrastructure spending invoice, Democrats are proposing a brand new tax on the treasures Americans have laid up in heaven.
“It has come to our attention that some Americans have chosen to lay up their treasure in heaven instead of here on earth,” mentioned House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. “Americans who use heaven as a tax shelter are unpatriotic and aren’t paying their fair share. We must address this problem.”
According to biblical sources, Christians in heaven at present get pleasure from mansions, crowns, and streets of gold– all tax-free. Their non secular teachings really encourage them to forgo amassing earthly wealth in favor of increase heavenly wealth by way of religion and good works.
“This is very immoral,” mentioned Senator Bernie Sanders. “It’s simply inhumane to let people in heaven enjoy all that wealth when so many people on earth– not to mention in hell– are having to do with less!”
Since scientists and theologians haven’t but discovered a method to confiscate wealth from the celestial realm, Democrats will estimate folks’s heavenly treasure primarily based on non secular fervor and would require the taxes to be paid in full from the folks’s earthly treasure earlier than they die.
“This is much fairer,” mentioned Senator Sanders.