LAREDO, TX—The Biden administration has introduced that in lieu of constant to construct the racist border wall, we’ll as an alternative “plug the gaps” within the wall with America’s most plentiful useful resource, enormous piles of money.
“Being president is so easy,” stated a beaming Joe Biden. “People keep coming to me with these soup cans, I mean problems, and as it turns out – a couple trillion dollars can solve pretty much anything. Pandemic? Two trillion. Internet slow to buffer Matlock? Two trillion. I can do this all day, Jack!”
After the announcement, specialists anticipated the flood of migrants to develop to about 20 million per day. “This is a normal seasonal surge,” defined Jen Psaki. “It definitely, definitely has nothing to do with the big stacks of cash. The weather has been super nice, which explains the extra millions of people. But I do think it also really speaks to what a great guy Joe Biden is. Everyone holding an armful of money has had really great things to say about Uncle Joe.”
The administration touted the border money as a well-targeted method to addressing poverty, but in addition famous that it has been unexpectedly efficient for gun management. “We are really proud to report that since dumping epic loads of cash on the border, the gun stores are completely empty. There are simply no firearms left to purchase, even the cartels seem to have their fill of weaponry. We’re really proud of what we’ve accomplished,” reported DHS chief Alejandro Mayorkas.
Children stood alongside the facet of the street in Texas to look at truckload after truckload of money go by on its solution to the border. “Where does all the cash come from, Daddy?” requested seven-year-old Annie Sue. Her father took off his cowboy hat and solemnly replied, “From you, sweetie. It comes from you.”