Return To Normal: Texas Announces They Will Go Back To Shooting People Wearing Masks On The Assumption They’re Stagecoach Robbers
AUSTIN, TX—In yet one more return to normalcy, Texas has introduced that efficient instantly they may return to their regular masks coverage: Anyone sporting a masks is robotically shot, on the belief that that particular person is about to rob a stagecoach.
“We done licked that virus good,” introduced Texas Governor Greg “Tex” Abbott. “Now it’s time to get back to protecting our precious, precious stagecoaches. So, if you’re wearing a mask — BAM! Ya dead! Yee-haw!”
Despite Texas having a rising tech sector, the state remains to be primarily a stagecoach-based economic system, with most individuals within the state making a dwelling from both driving or robbing stagecoaches. The pandemic, with its proliferation of masks, has very a lot disrupted that trade, and most are joyful to have a timeline for issues getting again to regular.
“I don’t like masks,” mentioned stagecoach driver Cam “Tex” Matthews. “But lately, you try to shoot people wearing masks, and some Karen will yell at you. Well, that ends now. If you wear a mask, you’ll be answering to ole Betsy here!” Matthews then held up his lever-action rifle and added, “Yee-haw!”
Other states have condemned the announcement by Texas. “It’s just too early to talk about going back to normal,” mentioned California Governor Gavin Newsom. “Maybe after we’re all vaccinated and twenty to forty years have passed with no one getting the virus, then we can talk about taking off masks.” Texas responded by saying they could additionally add a clause about taking pictures Californians.