It’s been a troublesome yr. But hold in there, fellow Christians, for the top is close to. Jesus is likely to be coming quickly. We’ve been studying the indicators, finding out the guide of Revelation, and listening to our favourite Calvary Chapel pastors on the radio.
Here are fifteen indicators the apocalypse is likely to be occurring quickly:
1. A TikTok rapper made some Satan footwear — Seriously– what occurred to the great previous days when rappers simply did medication, had intercourse with strippers, and sang about taking pictures cops? Never has popular culture stooped so low.
2. Avocado toast? — It’s truly scrumptious. But it is also silly. Just like just about all the pieces in our tradition. It’s time for Jesus to return and make all the pieces not silly once more.
3. Joshua Harris is an atheist and Kanye West is a Christian — Think that is loopy? Mr. T writes higher Christian tweets than Tim Keller now.
4. Chick-fil-A has deserted us — They had been the final bulwark of American Christianity, washed away in a sea of wokeness and wishy-washy company lameness. The finish is close to.
5. The navy has gone woke — Better be taught Mandarin now, as a result of that is what all of the remaining survivors will probably be talking.
6. They made an Aquaman film and it was fairly good — How. Like, significantly, how.
7. The Pope may not be Catholic — Has this ever occurred earlier than? Yes? Oh, okay. Nevermind then.
8. Donald Trump was our president and did not even rank within the backside half of presidents — Amazing.
9. They’re stamping vaccine passports on our arms and foreheads — The Left Behind guide collection tried to warn us about this. But not sufficient folks obtained the phrase, since they by no means completed making the flicks. We’re doomed.
10. The dolphins have all deserted Earth — Safely again on their dwelling planet of EE-ee-ee-ee, they may witness the ultimate destruction of Earth.
11. All the Sesame Street characters have murdered one another in a bloody race battle — Oh– that hasn’t occurred but? Well, stand by.
Things are fairly tousled, and truthfully, we’re simply kinda hoping Jesus comes again quickly. At least earlier than Amazon has an opportunity to utterly smash Lord of the Rings!