DALLAS, TX—Only hours after Governor Greg Abbott’s choice to elevate the Texas masks mandate, hundreds of Neanderthals descended on downtown Dallas for a enjoyable evening of consuming, ingesting, and dancing. Meanwhile, hundreds of civilized, progressive Texans hid in darkish caves to guard themselves from coronavirus.
“Oog like steak! Oog like beer! Oog like loud music at concert!” stated Oog, a Neanderthal. “Oog dance and sing with best friends! Oog happy!”
“This is so reckless and irresponsible,” stated native progressive Florian Von Cinnamon from beneath his 7 masks as he huddled in a humid cave. “Neanderthal thinking will literally kill us all. I’m literally shaking right now– because I’m cold. How do you make fire again?”
Experts warn that if issues proceed, the state could also be overrun by blissful Neanderthals as all of the civilized folks transfer again to California.