ATLANTA, GA—Coca-Cola held coaching final week telling its polar bear mascots to be much less white, sources inside the firm confirmed Thursday.
A leaked slideshow trains the polar bears to cease being so white and to be extra like black and brown bears.
“You must all be less white,” stated the variety coach, polar bear Roarbin DiArctico. “You must examine yourselves to find the whiteness within and eliminate all traces of it. Just by being born a polar bear, you automatically become an oppressor of black bears, brown bears, grizzly bears, and all other BOC around the world.”
One polar bear protested, saying he is really black beneath and it is simply the outer fur that is white. He was instructed that details are instruments of polar bear supremacy, and by protesting the concept that he is likely to be a bear racist, he was in truth perpetuating bear racism. He’s been assigned an additional thousand hours of range coaching earlier than he’ll be allowed again in Coca-Cola commercials.
At publishing time, one of many polar bears had tried to adjust to the mandate by portray himself black, offending black bears all over the place and inflicting him to be fired.