‘Greetings Thrillseekers, Music Lovers, Conversationalists All Across The Fruited Plains,’ Booms Rush Limbaugh’s Voice Across Heaven’s PA System
HEAVEN—According to sources, the EIB southern command has been formally moved to an undisclosed location past the pearly gates of Heaven, the place Rush Limbaugh’s present has been renewed for an infinite variety of seasons. In addition, Limbaugh has been granted entry to Heaven’s golden PA system the place he’ll make the occasional announcement.
“Greetings thrill-seekers, music lovers, conversationalists all across the fruited plain!” Limbaugh started in his first-ever celestial broadcast. “This is Heaven’s anchorman, the Doctor of Democracy, your own lovable little fuzzball, the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-caring, all-FEELING Maha Rushie, having more fun than a human being should be allowed to have, with talent on loan from GOD, and with half my brain tied behind my back, JUST to make it fair.”
All of Heaven cheered upon listening to the well-known voice.
“Saint Peter will be the keynote speaker for today’s lunch. And DON’T FORGET– There is a King David and Carman concert tonight at 9. Appearing together for the first time ever. Don’t miss it!”
After some negotiations, the Almighty has agreed to increase His mortgage of Limbaugh’s expertise so he can proceed broadcasting and commenting on heavenly issues.
Some have questioned this choice to permit Rush a platform after previous controversial statements, however sources point out that the world’s hottest broadcast specialist has had his sins utterly forgiven– lined by the blood of Jesus. Thanks to Rush’s new heavenly vantage level, his opinions at the moment are documented to be proper 100% of the time.
In addition to being performed in Heaven, Rush’s new present will probably be performed for the souls in Leftist Hell for all eternity– or at the least till all of them change into Conservatives.